mood boards and illustrations.
Off the shoulder jumpsuit with hip high slits
High neck cape and skirt with leg openings
Reversible dress and Jumpsuit
oversized, one shoulder Kimono sleeve top with short shorts and leg overlay
Oversized neck crop top with vertical tuck skirt
laser engraved hand bag
Photography: Amman Khan
Creation period: 09/01/2019-11/22/2019
Five gender fluid looks come together to create FEM Dysphoria, a visual representation of my gender and sexual journey. While developing this concept, I dug deep into my past and reflected back on some of the hardest times in my life. I took my experiences with sexual assault and self harm, and turned them into motivators that continue to push me towards obtaining my goals in life.
The collection Sequentially transitions from a gradient of pure black to clear. This gradation follows the story of my gender development from childhood to the present. As a child, I didn't have many thoughts about my gender until I started being called too fem or gay because of my actions. These comments put me in a dark place at a very young age. Over time, I went through many stages where I questioned if I was transgender. I only wanted to wear women's clothes, yet I stayed masculine presenting and Feeling insecure about my femininity. I was in a state of FEM Dysphoria. Now I'm at a place in which I consider myself to be very gender fluid and non-conforming. Even though my journey is not over, I am proud to say I feel very confident with my gender identity. reflect on my new sense of self identity, I created the final garment in FEM Dysphoria in a transparent material, allowing the audience to see the model's truest form.
The progression from yellow, to pink, and ending with blue records my sexual journey. I grew up in a very religious household which condemned same sex attraction. However, as a child I was very curious of what I observed growing up. I began to view myself as a problem that needed to be fixed. I chose yellow for the beginning of the collection because it creates a sense of caution and danger. Over time and especially after I came out as gay, I grew to accept myself more and I started to embrace my femininity as a gender non-conforming person. this lead me to pink, which for most people screams feminine. I believe it is the perfect color to represent that stage in my life, as I am now fully secure in my sexuality. I don't feel the need to draw extra attention to my sexual orientation, as it is a part of me and doesn't define who I am. This current state is represented by a deep turquoise blue. It is subtle, yet beautiful, and is not a flashy statement piece. just like my sexuality is not an indication of my personality. this makes a clear distinction that gender and sexuality are two different aspects of a person. Societal norms tend to combine these aspects into one idea, however, these two traits can develop separately from one another and have the right to their own timelines.
(All photography done by Amman Khan)